


Heart Beats

by maria_j_harper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2079084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_j_harper/pseuds/maria_j_harper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember when Sollux wrote code reminding him to keep it in his pants around Eridan, and Eridan found out about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Beats

There's a knock at your door. "Hey Sol, i need your help with something!"  
You turn on your re-purposed heart monitor.  
It wasn't too hard to program really. You just took one of those FitBit monitor watch things and did a little tweaking. Now, when ever your heart rate goes up to eighty beats per minute, it buzzes a little, and the screen flashes with the word "NOPE!" If your heart rate goes past eighty, there are more drastic measures programmed in as well. You only turn it on on special occasions.  
Wait, hold the telecommunication device, since when is spending time tolerating Fish Face a special occasion?  
Probably since you had to program this thing as a reminder to keep it in your pants.  
You answer the door, and there he is. He's kind of standing off to the side of your porch. When you open the door he looks over at you and something that could almost be mistaken for a smile flickers across his face. The next moment it's gone, replaced by his usual sneer, and you think you must have imagined it.  
Your monitor buzzes. You remind yourself to take deep breaths.  
"What do you want, fii2h breath?"  
"I sorta accidentally stepped on my computer." He reaches into the bag he is carrying on his shoulder and produces a husktop with a horribly shattered screen. "Can you fix it?"  
"Iidiiot, ii deal wiith programming computer2, not buiildiing them. Iit look2 like the damage i2 mo2tly external. Take it two Equiu2, he'd be a better bet than me on thi2 one." You hate to admit that anyone is better than you at anything, but it's the truth.  
His gaze flits around nervously, to the ground, left, right, then back to you. "Listen, there... may or may not be some... compromising stuff on here. As much as i'd hate to think wwhat you wwould do wwith it, i'm more wworried about wwhat he wwould do wwith it if he got it. Evverybody thinks that Equius is just 'wweird.' People forget that he's a connivving high blood too. Nowwhere near my levvel, but still."  
OK, having compromising information on ED is definitely worth the risk you take letting him into your hive.  
"Come iin. Be2t ii can do for you ii2 tran2fer all the iinfo ontwo some new hardware. Fortunately for you, ii have a multiitude of 2pare computer2. Take your pick, really." You make an encompassing gesture to your room full of computers.  
"Sol... wwhy are you being so nice to me?"  
Your monitor buzzes again.  
"Ii don't know what you're talkiing about ed, ii ju2t want two 2ee what 'compromii2iing' 2tuff you're hiidiing on your hu2ktop." Yes, that was definitely it. It wasn't like you were harboring just about the biggest flush crush of all time for this ass hole. Heh, harboring. Fish pun. You'll have to work that into your conversation at some point in the future. No you won't, that's stupid, and sappy, and you need to just stop breathing and die, you idiotic bulgelicker.  
"Right, like a- lowblood like you wwould evven knoww what to do wwith information like this," he says snootily. A while ago you had told him that the next time he said "filthy mustard-blood" to you would be the last time he spoke to you, ever. He had grumbled about how he wouldn't care, wouldn't even notice if you died and never came back, but after that he had never said it to you once.  
He picks up a nice, light-weight husktop with a waterproof motherboard. "Howw about this one?"  
"That2 a really niice one. You'd better fuckiing pay me back for thiis ED." You take the computers to the living room and set them on the coffee table. You hook them up to each other, and wait for the operating computer to turn itself on. You plop down on the couch.  
Your skin prickles as Eridan sits down next to you, so close your knees are touching.  
Your monitor makes a loud beeping sound that means your heart is currently doing eighty-five in a strictly seventy beat per minute zone.  
"Wwhat wwas that?" Shit.  
"Nothing, iignore iit. Probably ju2t the computer2 getting two know each other."  
He seems to accept this explanation. Yes, nice save.  
First things first, you wipe the operating computer. There's no way you're letting Ampora see your stuff, and data transfer works best with a blank slate anyways. You scrub everything, twice, just to make sure. Then you tell the computer to upload information from its broken counterpart. Well, not exactly. You basically tell it to become its broken counterpart. There will be some minor differences of course, but the essence will be the same.  
Then, because you're a douche bag, you write a little search and retrieve program to show you anything you might find interesting from Eridan's data. All the while, Eridan peers over your shoulder, as though he can learn the code just by watching you do it.  
The first thing the program pulls up is a letter to Feferi. Eridan yells. "No! No one was supposed to see that! Not even Fef was supposed to see that! Close it out, please!"  
You want to read it, you really do. You want to read it and then tease him about it for all of eternity, but then you see the pleading look in his eyes and you just can't do it. "Alriight, alriight, fiine." You hit the X.  
God damn you pity this little fucker.  
There is a moment of silence.  
"I wwrote it for myself. For closure. That letter is actually what helped me get ovver her, okay?" He looks so embarrassed. You want to kiss that stupid fishy face until it isn't sad anymore. You want to yell that he'd better goddamn well be over her, because he officially belongs to you now, and she can't ever have him back.  
Your monitor buzzes.  
"Yeah, okay." You bump his shoulder with yours, a sign of comradery. "2he'2 a tough giirl to get over."  
He stares at you. Oh yeah, you guess that was pretty out of character for you huh? You try to say something suitably belligerent, but find yourself trapped by his eyes.  
Your monitor buzzes, snapping you out of it. "Of course, unliike you, ii actually dated her." Yep, there's the ass hole you that everyone knows and loathes.  
The program brings up a picture that Eridan had taken of himself. He's shirtless, but still wearing that stupid cool cape, and he's raising a single eyebrow at the camera in a way that has absolutely no right to be as hot as it is.  
Your monitor makes the loud beeping sound again.  
Eridan yells again. "Wwhat is that doing showwing up on the screen? Cod, wwhy the hell did I take these? Delete it, delete it please! ... There was that sound again. Wwhat was it?"  
"Oh, your terriifying 2elfiie ii2 2o bad, ii gue22 it 2et off my heart rate monitor." You show him your wrist briefly, not long enough for him to see the flashing message "TAKE A COLD SHOWER CAPTOR!"  
"Wwhy the fuck do you havve a heart monitor?"  
You shrug, even though you can feel your cool facade slipping, and your monitor is now buzzing continuously. "Iit's two make 2ure ii don't overexert myself. Why exercii2e when you can ju2t u2e psyoniics, riight?"  
"Right... now tell me the real reason Captor."  
"Ii don't 2ee that iit'2 any of your busiine22 ED."  
"Well, I figure there's one of twwo reasons. Either you have a serious heart condition you're not telling me about, or something fishy is going on here." He leans in close as he speaks, scrutinizing you closely. Your noses practically touch, and you note that he does not, in fact, have fish breath as you had claimed earlier.  
Your monitor gives a series of rapid beeps, and continues doing so, as he reaches for your arm and pulls it towards his face. Shit. You try to fight against him, but it's too late.  
"CALM THE FUCK DOWN CAPTOR YOURE NOT FUCKING FUCKING ERIDAN AMPORA, GOT IT?" The message reads.  
"Wwhat is this?" He sounds genuinely bewildered.  
You have no choice but to tell him now, you suppose.  
You yank your arm away from him and throw the monitor across the room. You hunch in on yourself, elbows on knees, eyes on the floor.  
"Well... fuck. Ii guess ii have to tell you now. That monitor was not my smartest idea ever, huh? When ii fiir2t met you eridan, ii hated you. Not romantic hate either, ju2t pure platoniic iirriitatiion. But a2 ii got to know you... iit started gettiing really diifiicult to not kii22 your 2tupiid fii2hy face. 2o, ii programmed that two make 2ure ii wouldn't."  
"Wwhy? You kneww how fucking desperate I am, it's not like I'd reject you. If you wwanted to kiss me, wwhy didn't you... wwant to kiss me?"  
You look up at him, suddenly angry. "You ever thiink that maybe it'2 _becau2e_ you're 2o de2perate? You flirt wiith fuckiing everyone, but you've only ever blackfliirted with me, 2o ii 2tayed away becau2e ii didn't want to get fuckiing hurt, alriight?"  
And then he kisses you.  
"Stupid mutant freak. Why the hell would I wwant to hurt you? I... I have such a flush crush on you, it's not evven funny."  
You're glad you took off that monitor, because the rate your heart is going would probably break it.


End file.
